I just finished reading Lillian Boxworth Takes A Walk. It is a delightful book – not one with page turning suspense or romance. But a gentle meandering through a woman’s life as she walks through New York city at the age of 85 on New Year’s Eve in 1984. The book also rotates chapters with her younger years as a writer and poet. Wit and cynicism perfectly married with her prose and style.
What stands out after reading the book is the character’s ability to engage with random people she meets along the way. Since Covid 19 and my recurrence I don’t get out much, but when I do I try to make eye contact with people. I chat with the check-out person in the store, people in the doctor’s office (and my favorite nurses, of course) and am kind to random people I meet. Making a point to tell people to have a nice day as we pass on the hiking path. Or chat about the weather or fishing conditions with others in the parking lot as I wrestle my kayak out of the jeep.
But to really engage, as Lillian Boxworth did? Not something I have tried before! She would introduce herself, get their name and the conversation would in go whatever direction it needed. As random as the encounter itself.
For me, the book looked at some old learned social rules and broke them. When I worked at Marriott many years ago, there was the front and back of the house. Never the twain shall meet! If you worked in the back of the house, that was where you stayed. You were not allowed to go where the paying customers were. I think that is where I got the “them and us” feeling about the service industry that stayed with me for a long time. However, I have chipped away at the divide through the years.
Later when working on events from the other side, I would cringe when planners would demean or yell at the hotel or restaurant personnel – not seeing them as real people. That old “us and them” mentality. There were many times the room set up wasn’t correct, but it didn’t stop me from helping the set-up staff rearrange the tables and chairs to fix it in time. Kindness begets kindness.
I am reminded of Christa Hinkle, a meeting manager at Mandalay Bay. She and I were working on a program a few years back. I had to cancel my attendance at the function due to my chemotherapy schedule. We started talking and I found out she had Breast Cancer. We chatted about our journeys with cancer. So helpful when I was first diagnosed. She even sent me a beautiful gift box with things to help me on those bad days after chemo. Sadly, I recently found out that she lost her battle with cancer. Tears still stream down my face when I think of a beautiful kind women gone too soon. If I hadn’t opened up to Christa, we would have never made such a precious connection.
So, my friends, be kind. Say hi to strangers, engage with others when you have the opportunity. Yeah, not a total gabfest so others run when they see you, but acknowledge each other. Maybe even ask them their name!! You know that old rule: Be kind to yourself and others.
I close with this new idea. Instead of asking “How are you?” ask “What’s good with you?” Takes people by surprise and gets them out of their normal response. Maybe helps them think - what is good in my life today? A way to engage with random people you meet. This was suggested during a recent episode of a friend’s podcast “Sips with Survivors.” For my friends dealing with cancer, you should check out their podcast: https://sipswithsurvivors.libsyn.com/
So, what’s good with you? I would love to hear!!
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