Beautifully Broken

Last month I had the pleasure of vacationing with my sisters in the Pacific Northwest.  What a wonderful time of exploring while revisiting adventurous places of our youth.  I love the smell of the evergreens, the sounds of the lapping waves and the aroma of salt water.  Much of our childhood was spent journeying in the woods, creeks, and mountains with our family.  I always say my dad believed that a “do not enter” sign was an invitation to explore!

During our recent adventures I took to collecting sand dollars.  One of the beaches was quite the breeding ground for them as they peeked out of the sand during low tide. You had to be very careful of where you walked to not step on them, and I would never disturb the living creatures.  Once they turn white or grey, they are ready for the taking. 

What I found rather fascinating was how beautiful the broken pieces are.  The inside of the shell is as delicate as lace. It actually looks like lace. So many intricate patterns unique to each sand dollar.  Of course, that got me thinking of beauty in the broken. 

While we may all try to show the world our wholeness, there is actually more beauty in exposing the broken pieces.  We often think that we need to keep it all together, to be strong and not allow people to see our weakness or brokenness.  But, there are unique qualities and perspective that can only come from being broken.  The struggles we endure make us more compassionate, while being a guiding light to others.  A kind of lighthouse to those in the fog of despair or facing uncertainty. 

Speaking of uncertainty. My trip to the Pacific Northwest was planned to coincide with the end of my chemo treatments. However, due to continuing low blood counts, my treatment was stopped. The trip was not the celebration of the conclusion of treatment, instead a much needed vacation from chemo. I have been in continual treatment for more than seven years, on so many different drugs that my body finally said "enough!" It is a bit scary being off treatment for over two months, but my body thanks me for it. I have tests and doctors appointments late next week, so we will see what comes next. Until then, I am leaning into the uncertainty.

I know it is hard to allow people to see our brokenness.  But please know therein lies your beauty!