A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles. ~ Washington Irving
I was reading recently about kindness, and how we are so often disconnected to those around us. You know, the everyday people we meet at the coffee shop, grocery store, library, restaurant, or health club. To create interaction is not hard, a simple smile, eye contact, thank you or have a nice day. Or maybe a compliment on their hair, glasses, shirt, shoes, etc., could actually make that person’s day. You never know how many others have passed through their line busy talking or texting on their phones, not bothering to acknowledge the person behind the counter.
Many years ago, I was at a grocery store right after work, and I must have had a concerned look on my face (those that know me well, know that I wear my feelings on my sleeve – definitely not a poker face.) Anyway, this kind man came up to me and asked me if I was alright, and said that everything would be okay. This was probably 28+ years ago and I still remember the encounter. This jolted me out of my mindless grocery store wandering, I thanked the gentleman for his concern with a smile, noting that everything was okay, just a tough day at work. Now, I’m not saying impose on others unnecessarily, but be more sensitive to those around you. Maybe that mom with the young kids kicking and screaming could use a smile, or the older person with their walker would appreciate you not zipping past them in a rush. Simple gestures such as opening or closing a door for someone will most always invoke a smile.
Speaking of smiling. I was listening to a Ted Talk by Ron Gutman on the Secret Power of Smiling. Smiling is evolutionarily contagious and the act of smiling itself makes us feel better. Smiling actually reduces the level of stress-enhancing hormones and increases the level of mood-enhancing hormones. When I was in the chemo ward I would always watch a comedy movie, at least between the sleepiness of the Benadryl. Smiling and laughing are great mood enhancers - so go ahead and watch that rom-com!
So, next step on the kindness train is to be kind to yourself. This one I really struggle with. I so often get frustrated over little things – side effects of chemo or old age – not sure which! Not being able to remember words, and I definitely have the case of the dropsies. I got angry at myself this weekend when I dropped the bleach container while doing laundry and the sugar container while baking – luckily those were two separate incidences, otherwise that could have been a disaster! And yes, the house smelled like a swimming pool all day.
We need to be kind to ourselves and accept that each one of us has imperfections, and that is okay. I struggle with being critical and comparing myself to who I was pre-cancer. Accepting there is beauty in imperfection is hard, but I am still here and that in itself is beautiful! I am working on showing myself compassion, taking a step back when I get frustrated and embracing kindness within myself.
I am once again reminded of the healing mantra I repeated every day during chemo, when I can't sleep and when taking long walks in the woods:
May I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be well.
May I be at peace, at ease with myself.
May I be happy.
That really sums it up…May I be at peace, at ease with myself – accept my imperfections, let go of my inner critical voice telling me I am not good enough, and be at ease.
“Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others.” Wilferd Peterson
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