At the end of June I finished my chemo treatments. The tumor shrunk and I am considered stable. For a cancer patient, stable is a nice safe word, one that brings comfort. While not cancer free, it is the next best thing! My friend and I often joke that our hubbies may not agree we are stable, but at least our doctors do!
I am now on a monthly maintenance infusion. I had this drug during chemo so thankfully there are no new side effects to figure out. I do miss my wonderful nurses in the hospital. After monthly visits for six months, they became friends. I continue to see my regular nurses and doctor every three weeks, so I am not kicked out of the nest completely!
As the residual side effects of chemo subside, I look forward to the next step in my journey, regaining more energy and strength. At my weekly Tai Chi class we often do an exercise balancing the fire and water elements in the body – the yin and yang. The principle from this Chinese philosophy is that all things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites. This duality of energy in the universe provides both balance and harmony.
My hubby and I just returned from a driving vacation to upstate New York. One of our adventures was hiking to the Eternal Flame. A flame located in the recess of a waterfall that is lit from natural gas emitted from shale. This naturally occurring flame is said to have been lit thousands of years ago by Native Americans. What a wonder to experience. The water allows the flame to burn and the flame allows the water to flow. The ultimate example of yin and yang balance, living in contradiction. We also visited waterfalls, gorges, forests and lakes – time spent in nature where you see the balance of opposites. New growth and decay in the forests, water flowing through gorges created by extreme force, and fireflies dancing in the night. Breathing in the fresh forest air is so refreshing. I was sticking my head out the car window like a puppy dog as we drove through evergreen forests!
These past few months have also brought significant change to family and friends. My sister lost her husband to cancer – a very quick progression from diagnosis to death. It breaks my heart to lose a family member that brought so much joy and energy to the world. He was a part of my life for so many years it is hard to imagine he is gone. I also have two close friends struggling; one fighting a new cancer diagnoses and the other a divorce.
Sitting on the side-lines is difficult. Not knowing the right thing to say or do to bring them comfort and encouragement. Now I understand what it is like to have a front row seat to tragedy. Once again, I am learning balance. Most times it is listening, not saying anything and giving them time to experience their emotions fully. Now, that is a hard one – I always want to rush in and fix things. Other times it is sharing a good joke, a funny movie or meme to bring laughter. Laughter is good for the soul. This age old hymn is now ringing in my ears... "a merry heart doeth good like a medicine.." based on Proverbs 17:22.
Understanding there is time for both brings balance. And with balance there is harmony. That is what I wish for you my friends.
You are the strongest and most upbeat person I know. Much love from your Riemer buddy