Are you a Mary or a Martha?

This week’s task for A Fresh Chapter’s Odyssey Program was to list 10 words to describe how you want to feel in your life. Then examine the feelings – what are the feelings really about for you and how do they fit with your life goals.

I listed my words - happy and healthy were easy ones, but had a difficult time examining one of the words I chose: USEFUL. By the end of the exercise, I was tempted to cross useful off my list (but didn’t) and here is why….

The dictionary definition of useful is “able to be used for a practical purpose.” Okay, I get that, I want to recognize a need and solve or fix it - I want to feel that I am useful and of value. Then my mind went back to an old, really old lesson – so old that I don’t remember where I heard it. The teaching explained that you are either a Mary or a Martha. If you remember your Bible, the story is in Luke 10:38-42 and talks of Jesus visiting the home of Martha and Mary of Bethany. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet listening to his teachings, while Martha races around tending to meal preparations and hospitality. Martha eventually gets frustrated and asks Jesus to have Mary help her. To this Jesus responds, “Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary…”

Okay, so I’ve been a Martha all my life. Fussing about making sure everyone is happy and that everything is just so for my family, friends, neighbors, employers, customers, suppliers, other drivers, people at the store, pets, etc., the list goes on and on. I found my identity in being useful. As long as I was busy with preparations for this, that and the other thing, I didn’t have to just be me – Joanne, just plain Joanne. Being “just me” creates a fear of rejection, of people not liking me and being a Martha provides a safety net for my insecurity and shyness. But it is time to let go of that fear of rejection and cultivate genuine, positive, and yes USEFUL interaction with others.

Now I am learning to be a Mary. Taking the time to listen, to engage and not be so concerned about what needs to be done and what other people think, letting go of my Martha tendencies. This is a very hard lesson! Yes, I still want to be useful and make a difference in people’s lives, but doing so by focusing on the necessary, not hiding behind completion of a task. Rather, by remembering who I am – Joanne, just plain Joanne – and I am unique with talents, gifts, strengths and attributes to share. I hope my relationships continue to be honest, respectful, loving and useful to others along this journey through life.

Please take a moment to look at your life and ask yourself - am I a Mary or a Martha?