Two Years

The past has infinite value if you learn from it. Ken Hensley

You know how Facebook reminds you of posts from prior years? Well, thanks to Facebook I was reminded that it was only two years ago I was living a normal, healthy life - or so I thought.

You see, at the end of January 2018 we were celebrating my 60th birthday on the North Shore of Oahu. Enjoying beach living while staying at a bungalow on Ke Iki Beach. Spending time doing my favorite things - snorkeling, hiking, watching big wave surfing and even whale watching. All was idyllic as I enjoyed time reading in my hammock on the beach. We had no frantic time-line set to see the sights, just relaxing and enjoying our favorite foods!

But then as I bring back these memories - there was something wrong and I just wasn't paying attention. I remember at my birthday dinner in Haleiwa I didn't really enjoy the meal, I was feeling full even before starting to eat. And, prior to the trip, as I was working out preparing for being seen in a swimsuit, I just couldn't get that flattened stomach. Same problem I had six months earlier when I was preparing for my REI Adventure Kayaking trip in Isla Espiritu Santo. I was in great shape, working out everyday but the flat stomach evaded me. That was when I first remember the pain in my left side that I attributed to strained muscle due to too many crunches.

Hindsight is twenty-twenty they say. Had I only known, had I only listened more closely to my body and not blame things on menopause. You see, the fullness was actually due to the grapefruit sized cysts in my ovaries. I had no idea of the symptoms of ovarian cancer - bloating, indigestion, feeling full, changes in bowel habits, frequent need to urinate, increased abdominal girth, tiredness, pressure in the pelvis or lower back, and inability to lose weight. I didn't ignore my health check ups and wasn't late with my pap smear, they are only recommended every three years when you are over 50. I was living a healthy lifestyle, exercising regularly, so there was never a thought of something actually wrong with me.

But, you know, isn't it how it is with us ladies, especially mothers. We are so accustomed to taking care of others needs, that we ignore our own. We downplay any aches and pains and keep focusing on the kids, the hubby, the job, the house, the pets, the dinner, the cleaning - you get my drift. But, but, but, this where we need to change. We need to focus on ourselves, pay attention to our health both physically and mentally. I'm not saying we all become hypochondriacs, but we need listen to our bodies. Listen for those little whispers.

It is time to smash the myth that cancer couldn't possibly happen to healthy people. Guess what - it can! We need to listen to our bodies and be an advocate for our own health. The sad part about ovarian cancer is that there is no screening test. With symptoms that mimic other benign aliments, diagnosis can be difficult. A pelvic exam, ultrasound, blood tests and surgery are the tests required. If you feel something is wrong, be an advocate for your own health - see your doctor and ask questions until you feel comfortable with the answers. You know your body better than anyone else.

If I would have listened to my body, I could have been diagnosed 9 months earlier. I try not to get too down on myself, because that is not healthy. But thanks to that memory reminder from Facebook, I wonder if I would be experiencing the cancer recurrence now had I listened to my body earlier. Rather than wallowing in the "what ifs", my recurrence has made me even more focused on my goal to increase awareness of the signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer. I do that with the Survivor's Teaching Students group which goes into colleges and medical schools. But now I am working on branching out - looking for opportunities speak to women's groups about my experience and educating women on the symptoms of ovarian cancer. Because maybe if I would have known the symptoms I would have gotten checked out earlier. And maybe there is someone like me right now, ignoring those same symptoms that I can reach - that can be diagnosed earlier. Please feel free to share with your loved ones, family, friends, and co-workers my plea. For more information about ovarian cancer: https://ocrahope.org/patients/about-ovarian-cancer/

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love...Rainer Maria Rilke